2007 WSOP Recap, Part One: Grades

I can honestly say that if I had not made a final table at the World Series of Poker this year, it would have to rank amongst the most pointless, boring, and forgettable experiences of my life. A couple friends made scores, but nothing like last year. I only made one decent run in the tournaments, and most were fairly unexciting. There wasn't too much that was unpleasant, but there was very little at the WSOP or surrounding it that really inspired me.

The Grades should reflect this. I don't have as much to say as the last two years, both of which changed my life. If the last two years were Friday and Saturday night, then the 2007 WSOP was Sunday afternoon: perhaps more enjoyable, but not as exciting.

Here are the Grades, in alphabetical order:

1408: C
Just not really enough there.

Ali Nejad: A-
Nejad has quietly emerged as poker’s best play-by-play guy, blending a solid knowledge base with tireless enthusiasm and wit. In addition, he somehow put up with Phil Gordon for sixteen hours last night.

Artists Formerly Known as the House of Pain: C-
A weak effort from a disbanded group. No one has really been the same since last summer, for better or for worse. We’re really not very strong tournament players when you come right down to it. Last year we were amongst the most potent groups in tournament poker. That’s no longer the case.

Competitive Eating: B+
The plot has thickened. Competitive eating was once the sport featuring the most dominant athlete in the world, but Joey Chestnut has caught up to the legendary Kobayashi. Now, as Chau Giang would say, “The Game is On.”

My Driving: A-
Let the haters know, I drove 2800 miles this summer without coming close to an accident, getting lost, or any other negative incident.

Eggs over Medium: B+
I never knew this existed, thought there was only “over easy.”

George Thorogood and the Destroyers: A
The ultimate driving-across-the-desert music.

The Gold Coast: C
The ‘Coast continues to exceed expectations every time I stay there. They always add some new wrinkle to keep things exciting. I love everything about the place, I really do. But you just can’t fuck with a poker player’s internet. The Gold Coast internet is not fast or dependable, and that alone might keep me from coming back anytime soon.

James Van Alstyne: D+
The biggest fantasy bust since Priest Holmes ‘05. Dammit man, people have money riding on this! At least he seems to have pretty good taste in music.

Knocked Up: A-
Easily the best movie of the summer, and perhaps America’s defining slacker film.

Kwickfish Poker, Inc.: B
I believe the Fish went into the WSOP with bad karma, and that cost him in the luck department. But the Fish played well from what I saw, and was a gracious host for many guests. I believe he got his karma back, and will be the favorite in the next tournament he plays.

Live Free or Die Hard: B-
The worst Die Hard, yet the best blockbuster of a disappointing summer.

Moon: B+
I didn’t really play much good poker, but I accomplished the three goals I set for the WSOP: play hard in every tournament I enter, have fun in every tournament I enter, and make a final table

The NBA Finals: F
I watched four minutes total.

Ocean’s 13: C
Just because it was better than the second one doesn't mean it was good. A passable offering, indicative of the bland, uninspiring nature of this summer's movies.

PiMaster: B
Pi’s WSOP was as dry as the Nevada desert, but he found somewhat of an oasis in the main event. More importantly, Pi kept the whining at a reasonable level, avoided falling into bad habits like a lot of degens do during a losing streak, and railed like a champion (or at least a silver medalist). Most importantly, this picture of Pi was discovered during the WSOP.

The Physical Read: C
Just when I though t I was getting real good at this, it seems to be fading from my game. It really doesn’t seem like most top pros put all that much stock in the physical read, either. Still, never underestimate the physical read.

The Rio: B
A really strong performance from a historically dubious venue. It obviously helped that I was staying in the suite of legendary customer “Mr. Ta.”

Sicko: B-
I feel like I learned a lot, but I didn’t really learn any lessons. America sucks…we get it…but what do you want us to do about it?

The Squeeze Play: D+
Amazing how quickly this went out of fashion. I don't think I saw one the whole WSOP at my tables.

Volkswagen Jetta: A
This was like Diane Lane in Unfaithful - always a steady performer, but no one could have imagined an explosive performance like this. A tour-de-force from an unexpected source. The Jetta was threatened with expulsion before the trip and responded with astounding competence.

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Next up -
Part Two: Lessons Learned.