WSOP Recap Part One: Lessons Learned From Party of Five
When I was in middle school, my family finally upgraded to a bigscreen tv and I got a hold of the old, tiny rabbit ears box we had been using and set it up on a wardrobe in my room. The antenna was broken so the set only got a fuzzy PBS and a generally clear FOX. The best show on FOX back then was Ally McBeal, and I also watched Frasier reruns as I tried to fall asleep. Somewhere in there I started watching Party of Five, probably because the show had Neve Campbell, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Lacey Chabert in it.
Party of Five also starred Matthew Fox, now Jack on Lost, one of the worst prominent actors working today. Fox's character, Charlie, had assumed patriarchal duties after the family's parents had been killed. Charlie was almost as devoid of personality as Lost's Jack. Much of the show was concerned with Charlie's battle with cancer. Finally, after years of battle, the cancer went into remission. Charlie went out to celebrate and impregnated a stripper.
That was the last I ever watched of the show. It was a soap opera, and I don't watch soap operas. I was disgusted that they would immediately bolt in with a fresh catastrophe the moment after the show's primary denouement had finally been reached. There was no down time, no chance to enjoy that epic victory, no moment in the sun. Just more drama.
There was a fleeting moment in May when I had found what I believed to be legitimate happiness. Then came Las Vegas.
Things were chugging along decently at the WSOP, certainly not glorious but not too troublesome. Then my cousin committed suicide. My cousin was a wonderful, effervescent man who brought happiness to others, but fortune was not on his side. My cousin's mother has had multiple sclerosis for many years. My cousin was diagnosed with MS himself. I believe his first-hand knowledge of the disease proved too oppressive a sentence.
Shortly after I returned to Vegas, something terrible happened. I was betrayed by people close to me. The memories of that awful incident have since receded, and I have forgiven the people involved. But it still reverberates in my head, a reminder of evolution's most horrifying property: people are not meant to be happy.
We are meant to grow, and age, and procreate, and care for each other. But nowhere in there is there any reason for enduring happiness. Evolution wants us to mate and raise healthy children, and these things may in fact bring us joy. But evolution doesn't require, or even ask for, anyone to be happy. Those other goals come first; happiness is an unnecessary byproduct.
This all must sound rather doom and gloom, yet that is not my disposition. The realization that I cannot expect prolonged contentment is somewhat of a relief. That was too lofty a goal. Life is more feasible with the knowledge that happiness is a side-effect, not an aspiration. There is always hope for happiness, and it will always exist in some form. But as Charlie found out, the light at the end of the tunnel might just be fairer shades of grey.
5 Comments:
I can't help but feel some sense of wonderment when I think about how random it is to be alive, in this time, in this place.
I appreciate your thoughtfulness on these thoughts. It's so true; you can never hang on to happiness... in fact it's when I try to hang on to those fleeting feelings that it seems to fade all the faster.
It may be splitting hairs, but personally I have found a helpful distinction between happiness (emotion) and joy (outlook).
While my happiness ebbs and flows (way up during 08 WSOP, way down during 09), the joy I have (see wolf's comment) brings a sense of value to the otherwise mundane routine of sleep-eat-work-poop.
Well said Miah. Very much agreed!
Very lucid, eloquent post. Mr. Moon, I do not know you from a hole in the wall, however I know enough about your life from reading your blog entries over the past year-year and a half to try to add my two cents. You and I are roughly the same age, and at roughly similar places in terms of our careers/lacktherof's/goals (what have you). One thing that keeps me going, waking up in the morning, thirsting to take in life...is realizing what I have at this current point in time (especially when compared to those less fortunate), along with thinking about the endless possibilities of things that I still can do. The possibilities for everything that you can do are endless...and even if a lot of those possibilities might turn out to be nothing more than pipe dreams...don't let that demoralize you. The world is our oyster. Take a motherfuckin bite.
-nick
This discussion of what life means, what evolution expects... who/what are these things? Why do they have the power?
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