Man v. Man

I fell off the wagon.

I'm not sure how or why it happened. Everything was going well. I was living life with passion, expending effort every day and enjoying it.

The next thing I knew I was lying on the couch alternating episodes of LOST and Man v. Food. I was slacking on most of the things I had labeled priorities to start the year. I had no desire to do anything with anyone else, except maybe drink and/or play board games.

I blame the weather.

There has not been a week-long stretch of nice weather here in Boulder. There have been flirtations with Spring but nothing has stuck. Winter just keeps coming back, having worn out its welcome long ago. It snowed the last two days. There's no traction, no evolution, no turning of pages or new leaves.

I blame poker.

January through March I was alternating deep runs and super-deep runs. Since then I have made little noise, cashed few tournaments, and rarely, if ever, sniffed any serious cheddar.

I do know why this is happening.

First, the game is getting more difficult. Opponents are playing better and I have not made the necessary adjustments to combat them. The SCOOP tournaments on PokerStars, even the medium and low buy-ins, are not to be taken lightly. My opponents deserve more respect than I have given them.

Second, I have been very unlucky. Cold cards, coolers, bad beats. Standard.

Third, I have been playing like crap. It's easy to play well when you're running good. It's harder when you're not. It's easier to stay patient when you're playing less, when the only activity you have planned for that day is that one tournament. It's harder to stay patient when you have other things on your plate, or when you've already busted four tournaments that day.

It all boils down to willpower. I have none. It's so much easier to call a big bet than it is to fold a good hand, especially online. It's so much easier to keep sleeping than it is to get out of bed the first time you wake up. There are a million examples. I am having a really hard time doing the thing that is harder to do, even if I know it to be the better thing.

The fog of this confounding Spring is lifting. I realized that despite my worst efforts I have managed to take care of some business this Spring, to position myself for a strong second half of the year. An exciting weekend awaits, involving snowboarding, a birthday party, and the highest-stakes online poker tournaments I have ever entered.

Next week I am going to California, and the week after brings the commencement of the ultimate battle of poker, weather, and willpower: the 2010 World Series of Poker.