WSOP Recap Part Two: Grades

It just seems to get more epic every year.

Albertson’s: A

This grade isn’t a reflection on Albertson’s so much as it is on their loaded potato salad – a dumbfoundingly delicious synthesis of potato, sour cream, cheese, bacon, and green onions. One of the ten tastiest dishes I have ever had.


Alcohol: C+

I can’t get over the opportunities alcohol can provide – and those it can take away. The end result of my relationship with alcohol will probably be a divorce – it’s just too destructive a substance – but that may not be for another ten, or twenty, or forty years.

Diego Forlan: A

Unquestionably the biggest badass of the summer.

FIFA: D

The administration of “the world’s game” is laughable. I actually heard a theory on NPR that FIFA deliberately shies away from policing the game as well as they can in order to create headlines and court controversy. The officiating at the World Cup is so skewed and primitive one can only assume this is the case.

Firefly: B+

Tackling the entire tapas menu with four and a half guys was a little too ambitious. Firefly bridges a gap in the Vegas food canon, halfway between the swanky strip and the tacky strip malls.

Get Him To The Greek: C

Your evaluation of this movie basically comes down to your evaluation of Aldous Snow/Russell Brand as a comedic lead. I’m not a huge fan of the character. I wasn’t a huge fan of the insipid second half, either.

Harrah’s: C

The WSOP gets smoother and more efficient every year. The poker kitchen and bad beat bar are fully functional (overpriced unless you went with that outstanding salad bar). The bathroom situation is reasonable. The structures were good. The payouts (booth as well as structures) were well-organized. But this ten-handed thing has got to go. I can understand it for the $1ks and $1500s but when players are forking over $5k (including a crapload of juice) cramming them into a ten-handed table is unacceptable.

House of Masters: B

The trip started off disastrously as we were forced to sacrifice our first house and $9200, neither of which we will likely ever see again. But the crew rallied, PiMaster deftly found us another house within minutes, and the subsequent home was the best value we have ever stayed at.

Only one of five Masters was able to turn a profit on the Series, yet I would rate this year’s as the most successful WSOP since the landmark 2006 edition. The crew has grown comfortable with each other. The gambling (largely due to a putting green in the backyard) was consistent and amusing. The place somehow stayed fairly clean. Infighting was minimal. No one got punched in the face.

iPhone4: B+

I could write paragraphs about how cool my new iPhone is, but it’s my move on three different Words With Friends and two chess games. ttyl.

Iron Man 2: C

I don’t really remember what happened in this movie other than Scarlett Johahnsson only being in like two scenes, Mickey Rourke only being in three or four, Robert Downey Jr. clearly mailing it in compared to the first one, Don Cheadle forgetting how to act, and a bunch of robots buzzing around some weird landscapes.

Las Vegas, NV: B+

I can’t explain how or when this happened, but somehow the City of Sin – where Randall Flagg and the minions of evil gathered to take on Mother Abigail and the Boulder Free Zone – has started to feel like more of a home than the Republic of Boulder.

LCD Soundsystem: A-

This Is Happening could be the best LCD release yet – crisp, clean, and vigorous. James Murphy is a master at the height of his powers, one of the foremost pop musicians in the world.

MGMT: C

Congratulations isn’t that bad an album – but it’s boring. A disappointment for a band coming off one of the most exciting albums of the decade.

No Limit Deuce to Seven Single Draw Lowball: A

This is an incredible game that highlights every aspect of what makes poker such a great game. Psychology, bluffing, pressure, position, physical reads, and tournament strategy all take on equal or more importance than they do in no limit hold ‘em. A couple gimmicks – no limping! Big antes! - spice things up even more. Easy to learn yet deeply complex, the Deuce is as good as it gets.

Sammy’s: B+

Open 24 hours!

Sleep: C-

There has never been a period in my life where I agreed with the adage “sleep is overrated” – until now. It has become obvious to me that the overachievers, the ambitious, the people living life to its fullest – the sort of people I want to emulate – are sleeping less and getting up earlier. Traditionally a 2 to 10:45 sort of guy, I have trimmed it to around 7.5-8 a night averaging a midnight-12:30 bedtime. Getting up before nine opens up a world of possibilities without taking much away.

I went all-out on a new super-comfortable bed. I am going to find a CD alarm clock. I am using the gamblegambel 9:59 AM stop-loss method. It remains to be seen if I can pull this off – it’s more difficult during the winter months and the late-night FTOPS and WCOOP loom – but it seems well worth it. Besides, Bailey likes it better this way.

Soccer: C-

At this point I’ve watched enough soccer to confidently declare that the most popular sport in the world is vastly inferior to the American standards football, basketball, and baseball. We know better than the rest of the world, we really do. While soccer affords plenty of rousing athletic highlights, it is severely lacking in strategy and dynamics. The answer to the age-old question “why isn’t soccer one of the major sports in America?” is this: it’s just not that good a game.

Tecate: B

The best bad beer on the market.

World Cup: B+

Despite the poor efforts of its governing body and the placidity of the game itself, the drama of a 32-team tournament featuring teams from six continents remains incredibly compelling. The World Cup is the finest international sporting event, more because of structure, scarcity, unity and passion than the actual quality of the game.