Saturday, May 05, 2012


I have a dirty little secret I never told anyone in Africa. It runs contrary to the beliefs of many of the benevolent mzungus there. It clashes with religious doctrines ingrained in the culture. It calls humanitarian theory into question, directly challenges the missions of hundreds of NGOs, fundamentally opposes the nature of the species.

I believe there should be less people on the Earth, not more. I believe those who wish to make the world a better place shouldn’t try to save lives. I believe epidemics and other public health calamities serve as checks and balances on the teeming human population. I believe the Earth is going to capsize under the load of civilization if we don’t soon change our behavior as a species. And nowhere is this more obvious than it is in East Africa.

Everywhere I went, there were so many people. The cities are overflowing. You go to the country, and all you see are more people. There is nowhere I encountered where there weren’t tons and tons of people all the time. So many people. So many children. So many babies.

The post “baby-boom” United States has a population density of 87.4/sq mi. and a median age of 36.9.

Ethiopia has a population density of 194 people per square mile and a median age of 16.8. Half the people in the country are less than seventeen years old. Kenya has a population density of 174.1/sq mi. and a median age of 18.9. Uganda has a population density of 355.2/sq mi, four times that of the U.S., and a median age of 15.1, the lowest in the world.

The population of the continent has been exploding, but soon it is going supernova. Ethiopia had a population of 31.7 million in 1971, 51.5 million in 1990, and now has about 83 million residents. It’s estimated that this number will be over 210 million by 2060.

The exploding population is oblivious to their effects on the Earth. They have bigger fish to fry. There are no emissions standards in Addis Ababa, a city where cars only appreciate in value. There is no recycling. Waste is perpetual but seen as inconsequential.

I live in one of the most environmentally-conscious cities on Earth, but wasn’t nearly as conscious myself until I went to Africa. I went looking for More, but the answer I found was Less. I am so much less than I thought I was four months ago. All my attempts at increasing things, searching for elixirs and additions to my life, have always failed. It’s never more. Don’t eat until you’re full. Eat until you’re not hungry. Don’t drink until you’re drunk. Drink until you feel it. Sleep less. Masturbate less. Talk less. Buy less. Always less.


Blogger 81Trucolors said...

Thankfully we live in a country that has no impact on the environment or the world's interconnected economy.

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If only we could do something with all of that semen

11:18 PM  
Blogger Michal Greenberg said...

If you want less people on this planet, shouldn't you encourage people to masturbate more, not less?

Must sees:

The Story of Stuff:

Fixing the World in 5 Minutes:

Earth 2100: and/or

Fight Club: "You are not a unique snowflake."

12:33 PM  
Blogger Bag said...

Lol, Pickle.

1:09 PM  
Blogger TheGraveWolf said...

by Robert Browning

No sketches first, no studies, that's long past:
I do what many dream of, all their lives,
--Dream? strive to do, and agonize to do,
And fail in doing. I could count twenty such
On twice your fingers, and not leave this town,
Who strive—you don't know how the others strive
To paint a little thing like that you smeared
Carelessly passing with your robes afloat,--
Yet do much less, so much less, Someone says,
(I know his name, no matter)--so much less!
Well, less is more, Lucrezia: I am judged.
There burns a truer light of God in them,
In their vexed beating stuffed and stopped-up brain,
Heart, or whate'er else, than goes on to prompt
This low-pulsed forthright craftsman's hand of mine.

2:37 PM  
Anonymous Judge Petrovsky said...

Gin, always gin.

2:53 PM  
Anonymous Cookie Monster said...

No! Not less. MOAR M0AR MOAR C00ki3Z!!


2:55 PM  
Anonymous Urban Dictionary said...


3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i went to iowa once and stayed with a girl i knew in highschool. we got drunk and i jizzed on her friend on a trampoline in 101 degree, muggy, 3am weather. when i got home i had 104 mosquito bites on my back...honest

3:50 PM  
Anonymous That's what she said...

real america!

3:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So you're going to adopt?

6:44 PM  
Blogger Spencetron said...

So, I think your post is spot on in a lot of parts, but I think you have one major error. One of my coworkers passed away last week after a debilitating battle with cancer over the past two years. His funeral was yesterday, and it was amazingly well attended. Probably over 2,000 people crammed into the church. Although there was a lot of religious hocus pocus, the minister said one thing that I think was really true, and is a caution against "Less". He said: "It isn't sad that we are gathered here to mourn for Max. What would be sad is if Max were here alone." Have more friends, share more experiences, help more people, do more to make the world a better place (although maybe through Less). At the end of the day we're all going to turn back into the star dust we came from, and the true measure of our lives will be what we are remembered for and who remembers it.
End of diatribe.
Are you playing WSOP this year?

10:16 AM  

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