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I want to sit in my house and eat all day long, every day. Wash it down with beer. Every second of every day, I think about food, about gorging myself into unconsciousness, because every second of consciousness means wanting more. True decadence is the desire to combat it.

I never want to sleep. So I don't much. I sleep two thirds what I did six months ago. I'm more awake than I was then.

It's dark eight and a half hours a day here, now. It's light fifteen and a half.

I like everything. Everyone.

I want everything. I want to consume. Regurgitate. Recycle.

I constantly wish I was in Ethiopia. I'm constantly grateful I live in Colorado. I think I live in the second-greatest place in the world.

[greatest]

The mountains are staggering. The sky is breathtakingly blue. The snow is whiter than a mzungu. Air is ambrosia. I want to suck it in, hold it, possess it, be it. I want to be the air.