Boca Raton

I have been happier during the last three weeks than at any point during my poker career. In fact, this has been the happiest period of the last ten years of my life. The reasons for this are simple – I have been more adherent to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

During my career as a professional poker player, the bottom of this pyramid was not thoroughly satisfied. It is difficult to look after oneself without any semblance of consistency in surroundings, daily routine, or social organization. I now sleep in the same bed every night, go to bed and wake up at roughly the same time, start every day the same way, and watch Survivor and The Office every Thursday night. Perhaps most importantly of all, I get consistent exercise.

I have postulated many times that it is impossible for a physically and mentally healthy human to be unhappy if he/she eats, sleeps, and exercises properly and consistently. Outside of some sort of cataclysmic personal issue, I think this is the truth. Satisfying one’s most basic needs, and satisfying them well, is the key to life.

It helps that I have some things to do with myself. I am a lazy person, and spend several hours every day surfing the internet, watching tv, playing Magic The Gathering, etc, etc. I enjoy “wasting time.” But even the most ardent time-wasters must have some structure, some goals, some focus to make life worth living.

It is amazing how many tasks I had put on hold during the last year and a half. I’ve been knocking them off steadily the last few weeks, and still have many to go. I still don’t have health insurance, or contents insurance for my house. I still need to make an appointment for the dentist.

The hardest task to check off the list is the brewery. It may never get checked off the list. Right now I estimate the chances of anything real actually coming out of this at 50%. The brewery project brings guidance to my life. A sharp twenty-something mind like my own overflows with energy; it’s important to direct this energy towards something meaningful. Without the brewery project – or perhaps just the mirage of a “meaningful” project – I would quickly go insane.
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The fourth level of the Hierarchy of Needs is Esteem, including self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, and respect by others. Above this, at the top of the pyramid, is the self-actualization level which includes creativity and problem solving. I have done a nice job shoring up the first three levels of the pyramid, but find the top a little more challenging. Poker was a wonderful outlet for my creativity and overwhelming competitivity. I always hated it becoming my identity though, and eventually I was swallowed up by self-loathing and self-pity when this identity became that of a loser instead of a winner. I had to "quit" poker, more so in terms of an identity disattachment than actually playing the game less - though I have only played twice (the Sunday tournaments) the last three weeks.

Ultimately, removing poker entirely from my life is both impossible and undesirable. I love the game too much. I still discuss the game with my friends as much as I did when I was a "professional", maybe even more. I still eagerly watch poker on television (new episode of WPT tonight!) I follow the tournaments online, my homepage is still cardplayer.com, and I relentlessly read poker blogs and hand histories in search of a deeper understanding of the game.

I do not know poker's role in my future. I do know:

• I will play when I want to and can afford to do so
• I will play the main event at the 2007 WSOP, and hopefully every year the rest of my life
• I love playing deepstack tournament poker
• I'm better at no limit hold em than all but the top tier or two of professionals, and believe I am still a significant favorite at any table 10-20 or lower

Whether or not I am still a "professional poker player" is unclear and remains to be decided. I do believe that if am able to satisfy life's most important needs, my poker results will have little say in who I am.