Five Critical Incidents That Led To My Retirement

There was a time when I was a very successful poker player. I believed I would steadily improve, and find greater and greater fortune and glory every passing year. I would eventually win televised tournaments and become a millionaire. As recently as three months ago, I still believed this would happen. Nine months ago, I was close to certain that it would.

Today, I am seriously considering ending any sort of serious relationship I have with the game and moving on to a new career. At this moment in time, I no longer consider myself a professional poker player. I am more or less retired (perhaps resigned is more apt) and ready to focus my attention on a different path. Many different events led to my current state of mind: here are the five most pertinent, in chronological order.

1. The K2 Incident, July 5, 2006
I threw away more than $100k in equity in the WSOP 5k event with two random, uncharacteristic bluffs. I came over the top of Vinnie Vinh with 83 offsuit, eventually losing a large pot, and later shoved on the tightest player at the table with K2 suited, doubling up his pocket kings, before expiring in 11th.

2. Paul's 2nd place at the WSOP Main Event, August 10, 2006
This led to the Fish leaving town and establishing permanent residency in Vegas. It wasn't like I was alone without poker friends or anything after this, but it did mean that Paul was no longer right down the road - or right down the hall - to discuss the game. Paul was always the best to talk poker with, since he was the only guy I knew who actually liked the game as much or more than me. When Paul moved to Vegas, my sessions became a little less interested and a little less inspired. It also meant I no longer had someone to consistently crush/taunt/laugh at on the frisbee golf course, which always put me in a relaxed, confident mood before a session. Further, the whole thing may or may not have created psychological hurdles that I've never been able to overcome. Paul's 2nd place at the WSOP was the most exciting day of my life, and did lead to the purchase of my home (the best thing I will take away from the last two years), so I'm not complaining, just noting.

3. The Frist Fistfuck, October 13, 2006
Bill Frist's last-minute attachment of the UIGEA to the Port Security Act sent PartyPoker, where I made about half a million dollars, to the rail and made online poker much more difficult.

4. Lost Races at the Bellagio, December 2006
I played six of the Five Diamond preliminary events and made the final two tables three times in fields of 378, 519, and 367 players. But I went card dead on all three occasions at the wrong time, lost a couple key coinflips, and never made a final table. Not only were these financial missed opportunities, but this stretch also reinforced a disturbing, nagging voice whispering that I am cursed in tournaments.

5. The Eight Percenter, January 27, 2007
The ridiculous AJo to AA beat in the closing moments of day two at the Borgata Winter Poker Open began the 2007 downward spiral that eventually led to my retirement. For whatever reason, my cash game results went down the tubes not long after that beat and I never recovered.

I did everything right in that tournament, save for a misclick-influenced overplay/cooler against Scott Fischman. I clawed and scrapped hour upon hour. I do not have a single regret from that second day at the Borgata - I do believe it was a flawless session.

The worst part about this beat was the devastating, mythical, psychological malaise that it confirmed: I am cursed in poker tournaments, and it is not in my destiny to win. Furthermore, playing with great effort, focus, and determination will only lead to a more painful exit. Once, I believed I was a lucky poker player. Today, I believe just the opposite. The Dale Morrow 2-outer in Tunica, the sickening AK to AQ 50k pot lost on day 2 of the 2006 WSOP, and especially this beat crushed my will to succeed. Most importantly, these beats erased my faith in the game. I no longer believe that if I try my hardest, a higher power will see to it that I succeed in poker. You cannot succeed without faith in yourself and what you do. My faith in poker is gone.