April

I knew we were going to have to talk about it eventually. I was dreading the conversation. Laura was going to grad school on the East Coast the next fall. We had been able to maintain the long-distance relationship before, because I travelled so much and could afford paying for her to come see me. I didn't really expect to be travelling much in the future though. She would be back in school and have less down time.

There was the chance to do something huge. I could move to Boston. Before she chose her grad school, I could have made a plea to her to come live with me in Boulder. I considered these options.

We had to be so sure of each other to do that. What a commitment. Just one step below marriage, and in some ways, more of a leap than marriage.

I never really asked her, but I had a hunch she would have been willing to do it if I had made that proposition.

The conversation came in an afternoon drive from Fort Collins to Boulder. It just sort of happened, and it was far less painful than I had imagined. We were on the same page. Arguments and pain come from disagreement. There wasn't anything we disagreed on, really.
In fact, there wasn't much we ever disagreed about.

I still can't believe that I was actually in love with a girl and let her out of my life. It took me 23 and a half years to find someone I loved, and it took me five years just to fall for this girl. Letting her go was the boldest thing I've ever done. It may have been the dumbest, also. I still don't know.