Thoughts on Paul's Continued Successes and My Continued Failures
I'm not a big enough man to be happy for my friend Paul. I'm a petty, competitive, frustrated jealous little boy. Paul is better at poker than me and oooh, it hurts. I hate it when I'm not the best at something. It's especially troubling because this is what we do for a living. This is our career, our identity. If Paul wasn't the outstanding, wonderful person he is, I don't think I could tolerate his presence. It kind of makes me sick to see him do well. There is definitely a demented part of me that wants to see him lose on days like this (playing down to the WPT Final Table). Why? Like I said, I am weak inside; I do not have the strength of a better, more mature man. His success more clearly defines my failure.Of course, many of my poker friends are not as successful as me. But I just compare myself to the best, cause I want to be the best. Anything short of that is unacceptable to me, so right now I am unacceptable to me. The only remedy is what I mentioned in my last entry - success.
posted by GnightMoon @ 7:29 PM
4 Comments:
Paul is a freak of nature. He really has the gift.
Your break will come and admitting that you are jealous is bigger than most would be. Most would just bitch themselves out of a friendship.
I can't feel what you feel but I know it stings. You have been a friend to Paul and he and I were so sad when you busted. We pull for you, man.
--Tru
On the plus side, if he trades % with you, you can make a decent living on tour.
Your hoensty is refreshing Tom and combined with your writing style, you have a fan for life in me.
It's just amazing how well Paul is doing at the moment. I don't know enough about him to say whether he is just upswinging massively, but something tells me this is no fluke and the name Wasicka will be have a permanent place on poker observers' lips for the forseeable future.
And I have no doubt Paul and the rest of your crew will be first to show you the love when you come through for your first six-figure payday.
Cheers
Max
PS Vintage commentary from the Shaniac...
your writing is great tom... keep it up.
i obv don't know jack about poker or tourneys but you just gotta stay hungry. it's hard doing what you love for a living man; the highs and lows are so exaggerated.
i'm dealing with the same hurdles with my music man... keep your head up
cy
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